Mom's Getting Married and I'm Getting Fat
Hi Friends,
| Camilla Barker Bowles here writing about the latest news from Mom and The Chris. Looks like they're getting married. That's something that Humans do for tax reasons when they love each other and have tested out how they get along during a global pandemic. I'm pretty sure that they will make a fantastic go of it, but there is something that I’m not very happy about. . . |  |
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You see, Mom asked me if I would be a bridesmaid. I'm not very good at cleaning up after myself. I leave my toys all over the store and I leave "a filthy mess" everywhere I take a nap, but Mom picks up my poop and cleans out my wrinkles, so I guess I've got to do my part. I said yes, and then threw up on the living room carpet. |
| So, I'm gonna be a bridesmaid. Apart from cleaning up Mom's poo and cleaning out her wrinkles, what else is expected? I heard that it involves wearing a dress. I’ve worn dresses before; you've seen me in tutus, shirts and even a Chucky costume at Halloween, but I’m just not sure I have the right body for a dress. I'm gonna work off my COVID-19 ounces by eating more veggies than green slop. I may even consider going for a walk next to my stroller for a quarter of the way around the block. |  |
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What kind of a dress will look good on me? Form Fitting? A sack dress? Mom tells me that I have a big chest and short legs -THAT's the pot calling the kettle metal. This makes me feel a little worried about the wedding photos. My anxiety over my body image issues is making me regret my decision to be a Poop cleaning bridesmaid. Mom's planning on making her dress, which I’m sure involves something for me too. What should I tell her to make? Not make? What looks good on a large chest and short legs figure? - asking for a friend. |
| There is currently no wedding date set. Mom doesn't know location or how many guests on the invite list. Seriously, the only thing she’s done is pick out her shoes. I hope that I do not have to wear shoes. I don’t know why humans wear shoes. I mean they’re hard to walk in, feet numbing and squeeky (in a bad way). I can’t imagine how much red soled shoes would cost to fit my four feet. please tell me that I’m not gonna have to wear any open toe shoes because I don’t want to have to sit through getting my nails painted again. |  |
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In closing, if you have any advice for me and what is expected of me as a bridesmaid, I’d much appreciate it. You can send me messages on my Facebook page or Instagram. I’d love to hear what you have to say. |
Lots of Licks (I'm fully vaccinated),
